One from the re-watch pile…

The Apparition (2012)

Film: Sometimes I wonder HOW a film gets made. Do producers come up with a concept after watching a few films, or hearing about the popularity of a few films, and think,’ I could hire some people to do something like this’ OR is it a case of a writer or director see the popularity of a type of film and attempt to emulate it?

Now I’m not aiming any particular criticism against writer/ director of The Apparition, Todd Lincoln, personally, but it seems to me that this is the case here. I mean, originality in cinema rarely exists outside of international films or the indie scene, but sometimes a film is SO generic that it almost feels like its a cynical parody, but not funny, of other films that are trying to be serious.

So why did I bother to ever watch this film in the first place? Well, my lovely wife was a fan of the Twilight films, and like many couples, we have a deal where we choose a film alternatively, but what she didn’t realise was I could suffer these films due to Ashley Greene, one of the more lovely of the vampires, and I have to say I’m not above seeing a film just due to a hot star… I maintain I saw Burying the Ex not due to Greene or Alexadria Daddario’s appearances, but instead due to my fandom of Joe Dante.

Did that sound convincing? Good.

The other reason is I had never seen Tom Felton, better known as Draco Malfoy, in anything other than the Harry Potter films, a fantasy series that I quite enjoy. Now I’ve not seen this film since it was released, and didn’t realise that the Winter Soldier from the Marvel films, Sebastian Stan, has a lead role in this.

SO what is the film about? Honestly with this forthcoming synopsis, I could have phrases such as ‘like in Poltergeist’ at the end of each sentence, but that would be unfair, so I’ll resist.

Our story starts with a double flashback, the first with some dodgy old film of a séance followed by another where Patrick (Felton), Ben (Stan) and Lydia (Julianna Guill) engaged in a psychic experiment in which Lydia is snatched and disappears.

Flash forward to now, and Ben and his far too hot girlfriend, Kelly (Greene) are living in a house on a new estate owned by her parents, but something strange is happening. It starts with a brand new cactus rotting, and continues with things moving around the house by themselves, wood rot coming through the floor and clothes strangely being ties in knots… but why is this happening? Could Patrick be restarting the experiments or has Ben been haunted all along….

This is one of those films where the main characters are so stupid you just want to shake them. If I found floor rot, I’d call someone to look at it; if I found doors unlocked and security cameras being wrecked, I’d call the police and if I found a giant thing in my kitchen that looked like a wasp’s nest, the first thing I’d do is call an exterminator, not poke it with a freaking broomstick!

Their is some emotional sharks that are jumped here as well, and Greene’s character seems to be unable to feel for her boyfriend’s loss of a previous girlfriend and instead seems to be simultaneously pissed off her had a relationship before her, and that whatever happened may also happen to her… even though they aren’t involved in the experiment.

Now please don’t let me make you think that Lincoln is anything but a pretty good director! The scenes are all set well, and the estate the house is in, which is in the middle of the desert, is pretty amazing.

It’s just the story of the film: it’s so lame and so run-of-the-mill, and made for that ‘I don’t like horror but I like ghost stories’ group who love the Paranormal Activity and Conjuring and Insidious group. Mix into those PG, dull films with an absolute shedload of j-horror imagery, and you’ve got a pretty boring bit of ‘entertainment.

Score: *1/2

Disc: This review was performed on the Australian bluray release which thankfully only runs for 82 minutes. The feature is presented in a clean and clear 16×9 image with a fantastic DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 audio track.

Score: *****

Extras: Four extras on this disc, all of which exist to advertise Joshua P. Warren and his ghostly research:

The Apparition: A Cinematic Spectre sees a few of the cast discuss the film, and even they have trouble explaining what is going on, and meets Joshua P. Warren, the ghost advisor for the film. Yup: the ghost advisor.

The Dark Realm of the Paranormal is more promotional material for Warren, who spends 5 minutes talking about how he believes in absolutely everything paranormal.

Haunted Asheville looks at Warren’s book of the same name and the history of horrible things that happened throughout the town of Asheville.

The Experiment of the Apparition looks at Warren’s experiments in the paranormal.

All the extras on this disc seem to be farcical attempts to promote and quantify Warren and his team of ‘scientists’.

Score: **

WISIA: Greene is in her bikini and underwear for a few minutes, so that’s got to be a reason to watch it again, right? No, it’s not.