The Craft Legacy (2020)

The Craft Legacy (2020)

The cover of the Australian release of The Craft Legacy

Film: I was a big fan of the original film The Craft. Fairuza Balk, Neve Campbell, Robin Tunney and Rachel True were most certainly the ‘it’ girls of the mid-90s buuuuuuuut I was in my 20s then, so maybe it spoke to me, and it felt kind of relevant, even though perhaps it wasn’t really.

Empire Records was the same, and even in 1999 when High Fidelity came out, it ESPECIALLY felt relevant as I went from a directionless manboy in his 20s to a rudderless manboy in his 30s.

So here we are, 25 years later and a sequel has been made and I’m conflicted: I’m keen to see a sequel to this film, but after watching it I felt totally disconnected to it. I thought maybe it was me, that I was out of touch with the so-called ‘woke’ movement or that maybe I don’t think that horror movies are the place to deliver messages like that.

…but horror movies have almost always had messages, haven’t they? I don’t think the problem with this film is the messages of equality, or the other issues it covers, but maybe that it tries to be the defender of everything at once, and that the story occasionally feels more like an after school special.

Our annoying protagonists

The Craft Legacy tells of Lily (Cailee Spaeney) who has just moved to a new town with her mother Helen (Michelle Monaghan) so she can be with her new beau, Adam (David Duchovney), a self-help guru specialising in helping men find their strength, and his three sons.

Lily, of course, being the new kid, has no friends, and her having an unfortunately heavy period on her first day leads to an embarrassment that would wilt any normal kid, but Lily makes three new friends in the form of Tabby (Logie Simone), Lourdes (Zoey Luna) and Frankie (Gideon Adlon), three close friends who have been trying to find a fourth to join their coven because… you guessed it, they be WITCHES!!

The four quickly realise that Lily (short for Lilith, you know, alternatively known as the biblical Adam’s first wife from the Book of Isaiah, or a demon) is the person that they were looking for and their power grows exponentially, and being teenage girls, it’s used on silly stuff at first as they experiment, but then more insidious things, for example, their changing the personality of the school douche-bag, Timmy (Nicolas Galitzine) into becoming a super-sensitive, totally woke soul.

Yikes! David Duchovney as Adam

As usual, power corrupts and one of them makes a selfish spell that starts to unravel the friendship, and we discover more about Lily’s past and why she has her powers, and maybe that Adam is much more than he seems…

This film was not made for me. It wasn’t made for a 50-something manboy who still likes a lots of 80s styled boobs ‘n’ blood in his horror films. I have to give it credit though. It does attempt to cover a whole pile of stuff that plays on young people’s minds today, like homosexuality, bisexuality, transgenderism, school bullying and others, and does it so casually that its the way we should all probably act around people who live differently to ourselves. The problem is though it does so many of these things that I imagine it would alienate a less open minded person, and maybe some of the messages get lost amongst each other.

The film is beautifully shot but I do have two major issues with it. The first is that it’s not really a new story. Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens showed us that a remake can be incorporated into a large storyline and not act completely like it’s a remake, but this just hits the same beats over and over and until it makes a weird left turn for the sole purpose of adding a new badguy, who is telegraphed early but when it eventuates, it’s just a bit dumb.

The other is the performances of the four leads. Now I can’t figure out if the teens are overacting and it’s disguised as being obnoxious, or visa versa. Honestly, I work in retail and they act like the people who distract the workers in a shop while another friend shoplifts. They are annoying and over-the-top and seem less like how teens actually act and more like how someone who is out of touch with teens would make them act. It reminds me of Stan Lee writing teens in the 60s, and them all having dialogue like teens in the early 50s, daddy-o. The rest of the cast seem far more grounded and real.

If I’m to be really finicky, the 11th hour connection to the first film is hamfisted and was like a studio addition that was just dumb.

All in all I’m trying to be nice to this film out of respect for the original, but it’s just dumb, annoying and boring.

Score: *

The menu screen for the Australian Bluray release of The Craft Legacy

Extras: There is a couple of extras but they are so brief they barely worth mentioning.

Franchise Legacy is a barely two and a half minute piece that references the original movie and it’s importance to this film’s legacy. I’ve had sneezes that were longer and more informative.

Powerful Story, Magical Director looks at writer/ director Zoe Lister-Jones and her approach to making the film, but I’m not sure barely 3 and a half minutes really is much of a tribute to a director’s skill set. Shame.

Deleted scenes, as usual, are better off not in the film. Lister-Jones does at least get to introduce them, and justify their removal, even though her reasoning doesn’t get fleshed out.

Score: *

WISIA: I probably won’t, unless they do a sequel, which is really obviously what they’d like to do, judging by the massive open ending they offered.

This review was done with the Australian Bluray release

Fairuza Balk is BACK… for about 3 seconds…

Cell (2016)

Cell (2016)

The cover of the Australian Bluray release of Cell

Film: I have read several articles about quantitive pedants claiming to cringe when they hear athletes claim that they ‘went out there and gave 110%’. I’ve actually read so many articles about it that I even stole the phrase ‘quantitive pedants’ from one of them, but I have to say, that as a percentage, I am 1,000,000% a zombie movie fan.

Let me tell you too, I don’t care what kind of zombies they are either! Fast, slow, virusy, no-more-room-in-hellish, metaphysical, green, grey, intelligent, stupid, whatever; I’ll take ‘em!

Another thing I love is Steven King movies! Not his books, mind, but his movies. I’m a huge fan of King’s ideas, but not his writing, which is something if you are a regular reader of this my reviews, will ready know as it is no secret.

Taking this into account, imagine my excitement when I discovered there was a zombie film based on a Stephen King novel! The only other zombie story I know of that King wrote was one published in the John Skipp and Craig Spektor edited anthology book The Book of the Dead which I liked so I had to give this one a go!

NB. There’s probably others but not being a reader of King’s work, I’m unaware of them.

John Cusack as Clay Riddell

Anyway, Cell starts with us being introduced to artist Clay Riddell (John Cusack), in an airport on the phone to his estranged wife, Sharon (Clark Sarullo) and son, Johnny (Ethan Andrew Casto) when the phone begins to drop out. Unfortunately for Clay, everyone in the airport is having trouble with their phones in the form of a signal which cause madness and sees them attacking each other without any regard for their own well-being.

Clay manages to escape the airport via the train station beneath, where he meets train driver Tom McCourt (Samuel L. Jackson) and the pair retreat to Clay’s apartment to decide on what their next move should be. They meet with another lost person there in the form of Alice (Isabelle Fuhrman) and the three decide to travel together to help Clay find Sharon and Johnny, along the way meeting many others in a similar people in a similar situation.

There is a another mystery though, in the form of an entity in a red hoodie who visits everyone in their dreams, but bizarrely has been visiting Clay for a while, and manifested in the form of a character he created… but what is it’s connection to the mobile phone call that causes people to turn into violent zombies?

The apparition in the red hood!

There’s a lot of problems with this film. A lot. The first is its boring. There are a few moments of action in the form of the zombie attacks, but in between those scenes are just banal.

The next problem is with the creation of the characters. Cusack and Jackson play the exact same characters in every other film they’ve done since 1999 (I’m sure Cusack even has the same costume on that he’s worn for the past 20 years!). All the other characters come and go so quick you just don’t care about them, even to the point when one of them has a drawn out dying sequence you just want it over with quickly, and it’s a shame because there is such an interesting mix of cast members in it… even Stacy Keach! I did like Lloyd Kaufman’s special appearance though.

Thirdly are some of the special effects are just terrible. The make-up effects are fine, if not generic, but there are several CGI fire effects that look like they came from an episode of Home and Away.

To summarise, boring, wasted actors and crappy effects make for a big waste of my time. Avoid.

Score: *

The menu screen from the Australian Bluray release.

Extras: No extras for YOU!

Score: 0

WISIA: Nope.

This review was done with the Australian Bluray release.

Zombies! Well, living people under the thrall of a weird phone call.

Creepshow 2 (1987)

Creepshow 2 (1987)

The Arrow Video cover to Creepshow 2

Film: I was born in the late 60s, which of course means two things: I’m very very old and I was an impressionable teen during the 80s, which means, I am of the boobs ‘n’ blood generation! A time where ‘banned in Queensland’ was a badge of honour!

This film, Creepshow 2, came from that era and has a special place in my heart as it was one of the first VHS films I actually owned! I honestly cannot remember if it was a sell through video I got from Kmart of somewhere like that, or if it were an ex-rental that a video shop gave me (I worked in one and they gave me tapes now and again) but it got watched over and over again.

Creepshow 1 and 2 were both written by Steven King and directed by George Romero and have their foundations in the joy the two found in reading EC Comics as kids. The short version of that company’s story is that EC Comics made pretty violent comics and caused the creation of the Comics Code Authority, which featured on the covers of many comics for years, and also resulted in Mad becoming a ‘magazine’ rather than a comic (in format) because magazines weren’t subject to it and it’s restrictions.

Basically, Google ‘Frederick Wertham’ or ‘William Gaines’ for the full story.

Tom Savini as The Creep

Anyways, Creepshow 2 is an anthology film, and the three stories contained within are bookended by the tale of a young man waiting for something he ordered from the advertisements within the pages of his favourite comic, Creepshow, and as an issue of the comic flicks through the pages it reveals our tales. This section is mainly animated, but has a pretty awesome love action piece at first and the delivery man who delivers the comics is actually a fantastic mask, worn by horror make-up legend Tom Savini!

The first tale is titled ‘Old Chief Woodenhead’ and tells of a kindly old couple, the Spruces played by George Kennedy and Dorothy Lamour, who have a general store in a town which is on its last legs. There are heavy supporters of the local indigenous community, and are entrusted by their leader Ben Whitemoon (Frank Salsedo) to take care of their tribes greatest treasures, but unfortunately, the ne’er-do-well of the tribe, Sam (Holt McCallany) knows the Spruces have these treasures and has decided that perhaps he’d like them for himself…

The second story, The Raft, sees four friends (played by Paul Satterfield, Jeremy Green, Daniel Beer and Page Hannah) go to a secluded lake, late in autumn, to go swimming as the raft is still there until winter. What they don’t realise though is that there is something in the water… something hungry…

The Raft

The final story, The Hitchhiker, tells of Annie Lansing (Lois Chiles) who has been cheating on her husband, but tonight has lost track of time and needs to race to get home from her lover’s place before her husband gets home. Unfortunately, she hits a hitchhiker (Tom Wright) on the way home, and leaves him by the side of the road, but his spirit pursues her with the sole purpose to punish her…

As is typical of these Tales of the Crypt/ Twilight Zone styled stories, the objective is to show a supernatural punishment of some sort paid out to those who have transgressed some kind of moral code… and it still works!! Of the three, I think I like The Raft the best as it is nice and concise

I do have to admit that a lot of my love of this is purely nostalgic, and realistically the first film is certainly the better film, but I still enjoy every watch of it. The stories are in no way as impactful as the first film, but it is still lots of fun, and well made in every way.

Score: ****

The menu screen for the Arrow Bluray release

Extras: Crikey, does this little disc from Arrow Video have some extras on it:

Screenplay for a Sequel is an interview with Romero, where he talks about his love of comics, and how they influenced his career.

Tales from the Creep is an interview with make-up legend and actor Tom Savini about his work in the Creepshow films.

Poncho’s Last Ride is an interview with Daniel Beer, who played Randy in the episode ‘The Raft’, as he tells his anecdotes on his casting and the filming.

The Road to Dover talks to Tom Wright about his experiences as the ill-fated hitchhiker in the episode of the same name.

Nightmares in Foam Ruber (sic) sees us sitting down with Howard Berger and Greg Nicotero, the special effects team, and have them discuss their experiences of the production of the film.

My Friend Rick continues with Berger discussing his fandom of special effects legend Rick Baker, and with an accompanying personal anecdote.

Behind the Scenes is just some footage of the actual filming of the production with some nice behind the scenes bits.

Trailers and Tv Spots is the two theatrical trailers and one TV spot.

There is also an Audio Commentary with director Michael Gornick, which has some interesting information about the film within it.

Score: *****

WISIA: Creepshow 2 is a horror classic and I’ve already watched it hundreds of times!

Old Chief Woodenhead

Boss Level (2021)

Boss Level (2021)

The cover to the Australian Bluray release

Film: The whole ‘a day gets repeated over and over again’ is a trope that horror, sci-fi and comedy love. Personally, I think it’s for the opportunity of cheap laughs, showing the protagonist get injured/ die/ kill people over and over again without repercussions. Thankfully it would seem that most filmmakers KNOW it’s a trope that is quite derivative, and that gives them an opportunity to mix up the story a little, like with slasher film Happy Death Day and it’s sequel.

Boss Level is a surprising beast. Directed by Joe Carnahan, who co-wrote the screenplay with Eddie and Chris Borey, Boss Level should be a low budget piece of trash that pushes a ‘new’ action movie stars with a bunch of nobodies… but this stars Frank Grillo from the Marvel movies, and includes Mel Gibson, Maggie Q and Naomi Watts, and is as entertaining as dumb violent action gets.

Grillo and Watts

Boss Level tells of ex-special forces muscle-bound himbo Roy Pulver (Grillo) who wakes up every single day to find a bunch of assassins trying to kill him. Pam (Meadow Williams) tries to shoot him, the German Twins (Rashad Evans and Rampage Jackson) try to blow him up, Kaboom (Aaron Beelner ) also tries to blow him up (but with explosives, whereas the German Twins use bazookas), Smiley (Michael Tourek) tries to spear him, Guan Yin (Selina Lo) tries to cut him up… you get the idea: there’s a lot of people out to get him!

‘I am Guan Yin, and Guan Yin has done this!‘

Roy’s problem is, every single one of them have succeeded in killing him, but the second he dies, he wakes up back at the beginning of the day, with all the knowledge that he had been killed over and over again, and no matter how many times he tries to survive.

He does continue to try though (but only after a few depression episodes where he just allows himself to be murdered), and eventually starts to work out that he is very deliberately stuck in this time loop, but what does it have to do with his ex-wife Jemma (Watts) and her boss, Colonel Clive Ventor (Gibson)…

This film, like all these types of films, as I stated earlier, exist to show the funny side to how ridiculous the concept is, and the torture of the lead character is completely for our own amusement, especially when you think he’s achieved something that gets him away from one baddie, only to fall to some other fatal mishap. Let me tell you as well, these are some bloody and violent mishaps too! Roy even talks in a voiceover about how he’d prefer to be shot rather than stabbed because stabbing hurts more!

The mix of actors in this film is great too. Grillo’ s performance is hilarious, action-packed and even tender at times. Watts (who I have a crush on for years) is still a solid support and Gibson’s magical villain is spectacular. The wonderful array of assassins is fun and funny, and they even cop some of the deaths just as bad as Grillo does. Selina Lo’s Guan Yin is a particular highlight and her beauty combined with violent swordsmanship is a grand juxtaposition, and her exclamation whenever she kills is fantastic too.

Honestly there’s not much to NOT like about this film, but it’s essentially like a Fast and the Furious film: you see it for the spectacle rather than an intelligent story. I will say though that it’s sudden sci-fi U-turn is both expected and surprising.

Score: ***

The menu from the Australian Bluray

Extras: None.

Score: 0

WISIA: It was dumb fun, so it’s definitely getting watched again!

This review was done with the Australian 2021 Bluray release.

Guns, guns, guns.