Big Tits Zombie (2010)

Film: Sometimes it only takes a name to pique ones interest in something. If one can produce something, and give it a name either provocative or evocative, you can get a winner. The history of cinema, especially exploitation and independent horror cinema is rife with alternative titles to make a film sound better than perhaps it really is, or even just to find the correct audience. This film was titled Kyonyû doragon: Onsen zonbi vs sutorippâ 5 (my guess is the last 3 words are ‘zombie vs stripper’) in its native Japan, and the suggested title in English was The Big Tits Dragon. Somewhere along the line, though, an alternative title was offered, and this title, ladies and gentlemen, is one I could not pass: Big Tits Zombie.

That’s right:

Big.

Tits.

Zombie.

The only way it could have been more appealing to your reviewer was if they squeezed the word ‘beer’ or ‘steak’ into the title. This film is written and directed by Takao Nakano, who gave us 2004’s Sexual Parasite: Killer Pussy, and it is based loosely on the manga Kyonyû doragon, by Rei Mikamoto.

Big Tits Zombie is the tale of five strippers, Lena Jodo (Sola Aoi), Ginko Hoshikage (Risa Kasumi), Maria Kuroi (Mari Sakurai), Darna (Io Aikawa) and Nene Hanasaki (Tamayo), who are working a crappy strip club in a rundown town, and who never seem to be able to get a break. None of them really get on too well, and one day whilst fighting (topless and in 3D) amongst themselves, they discover that their dressing room behind the club they perform in has a secret door.

The go through the door and discover a room full of occult antiquities, that are possibly worth a fortune. Unfortunately what they don’t realise is that their presence has brought the dead hidden down a well in the basement back to life. Dead that are keen to eat the living!!!

When  Darna goes back into the room to steal a box of money she found there, she is the first to be consumed, and the other four must now defend themselves against the hordes of the undead… that is until one of them betrays the rest, and becomes one who can control the living dead, and do her dark bidding!!!

The special effects are of a pretty low standard, even by these low budget Asian horror standards. Some of the zombies make up is nothing but rubber masks, but the variety of zombies presented in this film is fantastic. Basically, any Asian stereotype you can think of is represented by an undead version: ninja, geisha, schoolgirl, you name it. Unfortunately, at times the CGI is deplorable. Blood sprays fly out of bodies, but then just dissipate into thin air, and occasionally body cut and slashes don’t appear at all. The amusing this is the cruddy zombies and poor CGI aren’t the worst special effects: there is a tentacle zombie thing whose strings are SO obvious it should have been called Lady Penelope… what makes it even worse is the scene they can be seen in is a 3D scene, and even the STRINGS are given the 3D treatment!!

OK, I admit that this film is made for the nudity and the gore, but for goodness sake, the dancing choreography was of a level that would make a pre-school ballet school bawl in embarrassment. I don’t want to be too critical of it though, as whether deliberately or accidentally bad, the dancing was a comedy highlight.

Keep a keen eye on some of the sets being covered in plastic so that any fake, non-cgi blood or goop, and try not to notice that the credits are reversed, that is it suggests it is the character that plays the actor, not the other way around. Also, the director seems to have a ‘thing’ for Quentin Tarantino judging by the various visual cues from a selection of his films.

Those into not-so-traditional Japanese business fetishism will be entertained. This film has hot girls fighting, panty shots, bra shots, lingering booby blood spray and the classic ‘threatening tentacles’ of many a hentai horror tale.

So even through all the criticism I have offered upon this film, I couldn’t help but like it. Somewhere between the illogical storyline, the terrible special effects and the strippers pulling their boobs out, I found that I was being more entertained than I had been in ages

Big Tits Zombie is a badly acted, terribly choreographed, non-sensical film with crap special effects, hot Japanese chicks and substandard 3D effects. To sum up; it’s a winner. This film knows exactly what it is and revels in it. Fans of things like The Machine Girl and Tokyo Gore Police need to rush out and buy it now… but be warned: don’t show it to people who claim to be ‘film fans’ because they just ain’t gonna get its bloody, low budget charms! I don’t know what the Japanese word for Troma is, but I imagine the director of this film does!!

Score: ***

Extras: The first thing that has to be pointed out is that this film is presented in both 3D and 2D. The 3D is probably something you will watch only once, but I imagine you will return the zaniness of the 2D time and time again. Make sure you DO watch them both though, as they do contain different footage in the opening credits. I must also point out the 3D feature isn’t completely in 3D, but instead has an onscreen warning when to put your glasses on, sometimes even a character puts his glasses on as well.

There is a pretty funny Making of on this disc. It may not completely cover the ins and outs of the film making process, but it introduces the 6 main actors, chats with the writer director Takao Nakano and shows some of the behind the scenes footage. It is by NO means a complete ‘special edition’ styled making of, but it is pretty entertaining.

Also presented on this disc is the trailer for Big Tits Zombie, Raging Phoenix, Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl, Love Exposure and Tokyo Zombie.

Score: ***

WISIA: It’s pretty hard to resist rewatching a film called ‘Big Tits Zombie’.